It’s okay, baby…

-Raina De

Birth Control Pill Container

She was frantically searching for a pill in the medicine box, in the drawers and in her handbag. It had to be there, where had she kept it? You never get the right thing at the right time!

That is when her eyes suddenly fell upon the Cross of Jesus. She dropped down to the dirty purple carpeted floor with a thud and began to cry.

She had made the same mistake her mother had made many years ago….the mistake which had forced her to leave her there.

She loved that man and yet knew he could never be hers. He had a wife and a son. Then why? Why had life played such an evil prank on her? Why could she not help falling for him in spite of being aware of the truth? And why did she let it happen that rainy night?

She wanted to destroy it, the thing that her body was nourishing every day now. She did not hate it. No. But she did not want the little soul in her to end up like herself, in an orphanage.

She had faith in God, though He had never been merciful. She felt guilty. Did she have the right to destroy God’s creation? But no, she didn’t have a choice.

That day, sitting on that old worn out carpet, tears rolling down her face endlessly, for the first time, she felt the soul that was breathing inside her body.

And for the first time ever in her twenty year old life, she was able to forgive her mother for giving birth to her.

She realized that you just cannot say no to God’s gift which he so mercifully bestows on you. A creation of your own kind. A soul that will carry part of you forward in the world.

She gave up her search for the pills.

 

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